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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2002-02-20 - 3:32 p.m. Why do I have this thing where I think people are hiding things from me? Especially the ones that I love? I feel extra gullable right now for some reason. I feel like Scarface when all the shit started going down and he didn't trust anyone. I feel like I'm heading in that direction.....I mean like the whole snorting a buncha coke and going on a killing spree with a big gun would be rather extravangent....but it's that "I'm destroying-myself-type-classic-tragedy thing.." Everything is setting me off. I'm so hyper-sensitive right now and I don't want to be. I'm causing alot of drama that doesn't need to be there. Why? Because I worry, I'm a big wussy. Really! Damn, I need to "Suck it up" like how gym teachers or my football coaches would tell me back in the day, really. I'm causing so much dumb shit really and everyone around me is growing annoyed I bet by it. I am what I am, I'm trying to change but that offers no comfort, no results. Some part of my mind is probably tellin me to write this for compassion. I feel like a user of people. I'm sapping people. Like a parasite. What a gruesome thought. Then I think someone is sapping off from me. I'm teetering inbetween both madnesses. Silly me, Crazy me.....sad, sad, me...........Just me, just let's get on with the show. I don't want this, we don't want this, the whole world rather hear me make fun of myself and not watch this sad introspection of something that's probably just completely obvious of me. So I'm gonna study and shut up now. Go into the dark for awhile and find the root of my worry and squash it, come back when I think everyone has forgotten me and just blend in with the business crowd.
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