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Diaryland |
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2003-01-30 - 7:26 a.m. School today, first day of the Spring 03 baby! Syllabi to sit through and books to buy. The grind begins...........crimeny. My Sleep doctor appointment is only a few days away so I'm calling today to confirm. It's been a long time coming too. Shit, I went to bed at 12, got up at 2, and then proceeded to get up every hour after that until 6:45 where I just said "Fuck it" and got up. If this doctor comes up to me and checks my vitals and asks me 5 questions about my sleeping and sends me out the room with a slip of paper that says, "I NEED A BI-PAP MACHINE" on it, I think I'm gonna slap him, no even better, when I'm propped up on that ackward piece of "clinic" furniture slipped with a roll of butcher paper; I'm gonna arch upwards when he's checking my heart and whip my dick out, push him back, then leap up and cock smack the bastard. 2 months of fucking waiting, this doctor better have some mutha fucking charisma. For all the times I've brushed with death, fell asleep during good movies, passed out with friends over, my shitty moods, my shitty attitude, etc etc. My cock smack would be the statement for all those hardships. It's not all the doc's fault but jesus, is it all mine? I still think crazy thoughts, I still want to do crazy things. I still beat myself up over dumb shit. I do I do I do. It sucks, I can't take no break, I just gotta keep going, it's part of growing up and being a "man" FUCK THAT! People are so busy fucking caught up in bullshit that they aren't finding themselves. More and more folks are being thrown out there to be eaten by the wolves ignorance. It's so wrong, we know it is, and we let it happen everyday somehow, somewhat. What's worse is that I can't figure out a way to argue this point without sounding like some teenage angst poetry. Fuck it. For now. Get through today, get through tommorrow. Life's too short to wallow in sorrow. Hold the people you love and hold them tight, make your mistakes only to make them right.
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