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About Me

The longest entry ever made.
2003-05-17 - 10:15 p.m.

Alright, you ready?

Alright, let's recap the events leading to now.

Thursday-it was all about finals and trying to salvage any face left, well part of it. Did decently on the 2 essay Feminist Theory, at least I thought I did. It felt good to do intensive studying and being able to put it to use. Afterwards, it was suit hunting for the Creative Alliance Patterson Gala. Nick had a pimpish ensemble and I couldn't go without one, so I went to Ten Car Pile up with a silky, fat-guy-from-Boogie Nights-Shirt with a light colored sportcoat and pants. Needless to say, I walked out with this. That cape is bomb. It's green and fuzzy with a hot pink silk lining. The purple tight dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, 2 gold chains, Black pants, and the lime green loafers with the gold hardware. I was styling, complete with a bowler with a green feather in it and a pair of Nick's finest sunglasses.

I was excited like all hell when the whole outfit just came together. The Creative Alliance was all hectic from the show preparations and the physical moving of its offices. The place was going bananas. Most of my Thursday and all of my Friday was spent doing volunteer work, setting up all sorts of shit with Nick and Kevin who helped out on his day off from work.

We were moving pianos, audio equipment, lights, couchs, and all sorts of shit Thursday. Friday, Nick and I were getting caught up in the madness that is setting up for such a huge event. Nick and I spent Friday afternoon in the cold rain, in ill-equipped clothes, putting up big pieces of chain link fence and having 3 different people telling us to do three different things at once.

I personally wanted to throw some punches at people, being hungry, cold, wet and pissed and not getting hardly any recognition can do that to you. FUCK YOU, YOU SWEEP THE STREET! Seriously, there's something so degrading about being an intern, you do all this important administrative stuff and at any moment, some motherfucker will make you sweep the floor. I hate that shit, somebody can pull that card on you so fast and give two fucks about what your name is. There was alot of confusion going on though, so I give them the benefit of the doubt......for now.

I saw a dying baby pidgeon on the side while Nick and I were waiting outside, staking out parking spots. I couldn't do anything and I couldn't stop looking away. It generated so many things in my mind. I haven't felt that kinda compassion in myself in awhile. Is it a bad omen for a place to open up with a dead bird near the front entrance? Seriously, some voodoo shit maybe going on.

Nick and I fucking did so much work and by the time of the party, I wasn't in any sort of "Fun" mode. Hungry and tired, we got into our suits and for that brief tour of mingling in the Vince Peranio Set Gallery and the Patterson Theatre, Nick and I were some big piempin' mutha fuckas. We obviously were the best dressed, I got over 20 compliments easy from all sorts of folks. It was either the cape, or the shoes, or the feather in the hat, etc. etc. Nick's hair was puffy, he had some tre fine sunglasses, we were both rockin' sunglasses, because you know, those flourescents give off them gamma rays n shit.

But we still had jobs to do. Nick and I were running 16mm projection in one of the artists spaces to promote the Creative Alliance Movie Makers It wasn't that cool. The films were, but people didn't seem that interested. The crowd was older, there was free beer and wine to be had and a live band and a dancefloor to cut up. The fun we had was marginal. It seemed my suit was more fun then I was that night. I just wanted to dance man.

I just wanted to dance and hand out my eternal rose to someone. I told every lady that asked me about the 3 dollar, cheesy time...less fake-rose-comin-out-of-a-porcelain-hand-encased-in-a-eternal-plastic-capsule and how at the end of the night I was going to give it to one lucky lady. That got alot of the ladies psyched. I knew who I wanted to give the rose to in the first place though anyways.

Her name is Elisha. She's 18, in the last year of her high school, interning at the Creative Alliance. Nick and I first caught a glimpse of her maybe 3 weeks ago. The first time I saw her, I was hooked-shook-and completely took by her grace. She was at the party too helping out and was clearly the most stunning woman in the room. Ain't nobody had SHIT on her and her dress. She made my pimpin' self curl up into a lil ball of that adolescent confusion that I thought left me long ago. I was ga-ga and she was jaw dropping.

Through the brief times I've seen her and talked to her, I've come to memorize her smile, her laugh, and the nuances of her face....those eyes how they sorta squint up when she laughs.......tis a beautiful thing. And she laughs alot, especially at my masterful "jokery" and "Nyuk-nyukery" and that and that alone gives me the biggest turn-on-a mental boner if you will that triggers my heart to beat faster at the sound of her laugh and sometimes cackle (Man you know you doing something right making grrls cackle.....) or the sight of her angelic smile.

I had it all set up nicely.........in my head. When I first saw her in the beginning of the evening, I had to peep her dress and she was wearing a black dress, cut in an angle at the bottom, with lil pearls all on it, thin straps, her chest was like WHOA and her curves were like POW and I had the costume cockiness to tell her she was the "2nd most beautiful person here" and she replied, "Who's the first?" and I just looked at her like that shit was a trick question or something. She definitely was gonna get the rose. I wanted to ask her to dance. I wanted to tell her the truth that she was the most beautiful and it would give me great pleasure for me to have the hand of the most electrifying grrl in the room on the dancefloor.

I wanted to ask her about her summer plans, she's doing big things, got accepted to NYU trying to do a awesome sounding social service program that'll let her travel around the world. She's a writer, she's intelligent, and totally got her shit............TOGETHER. I wanted to ask for that number, I wanted to take her out sometime, I wanted my soul to be blessed by her beautiful radiance.

That beauty is that internationally known kind and here I am in my costume pimpery swingin' for the fences. This other volunteer for the Creative Alliance, Paul was scoping out the joint for hot woman and he described Elisha to a "T" to me later on in the night. I only caught glimpses of her the entire night, she didn't stop by to the projection room, well actually, she walked past, looked inside from the hall, probably saw me and walked away. My heart sunk.

I caught her on later in the night, and I was being un-usually solemn with her. I just wanted to dance, cue in my puppy dog eyes. She already went dancing. I told her there's a DJ in the Theatre playing some chill jazz and soul. Her eyes got all big. Score. Kristen needed me to check if the men's bathroom was disgusting. "Hold on Elisha, I'll be right back." Bathrooms are kosher.

"Oh, you're leaving already."

I tried my best to coax her to the dancefloor with my "Man, all I wanted to do was dance tonite" approach.

"Sorry, I can't help you."

Cue my heart hitting the floor and bouncing into the trash can.

It was a small cue, she didn't probably meant it's power to be that intense and I did my best to maintain.

Her mother apparently came up and saw me talking to her. "Hello" she said with that concerned mother look on her face. I'll give her that, seeing that I was dressed up like the "Watermelon Pimp" talking to her fine ass daughter. She introduced some nice clean cut brother to her, one with a suit, smart glasses, brimming with an upper-ness to him.

Cue in Paul.

He approaches, drops his game. Mother is cueing for the exit. Elisha's attention is taken away from us for a moment, Paul leans over and says, "That's the one."

"That it is."

We talked about some story about Paul being in some camp that used to throw down shit at her school. Talking about how they made him an actor and tried some funny angle and speaking on not wanting to act and stuff so I one upped him with my funny acting story back in the day when they made me play Punjab in "Annie" at my elementary school since I was the darkest skinned kid that tried out.

I had her rolling. She left soon after that note. Paul commented on her breasts and how they moved when she laughed. It was weird hearing this from him and offended me a bit cheapening her beauty because when I see her it's all chicken and stars and not a single shred of tasteless imagery. She is bangin' though from head to toe without a doubt, but she's much more then jiggling boobies.

Maybe she just didn't want to dance because she had to go or maybe she was really disinterested. I think it's a combo of both. Every other thing that comes out of my mouth she thinks is a playful lie or joke, but I like to prove myself to her. My chance came and went that night. The rose was given to Kristen for her kind heart and letting me borrow a poncho so I wouldn't have to shiver in the rain putting up fence wetter then a fish. She also is tre cool and super nice to Nick and I and started a kickball club, how fucking cool is that? -tre'

All I wanted was to dance...........with her and see her smile. I got that face memorized and keeps me mesmerized. I was shook, got shook, and my heart got took. Once again my sad song got played out. I wanted to leave right after she left the room. Just go roam the Highlandtown streets like the lonely pimp that I can easily become in 4.2 seconds.

So, beaten and defeated I told Nick I wanted to bounced, tidy-ed up the film room and left, I was beaten, mistreated, tired, and defeated. At least we met some people that wanted to make a film solely around our pimp costumes. We got a photo opportunity with Mr. John Waters. An old lady was mystified by the size of my glasses.

I wanted to sleep though, I've been operating on 6 hours of sleep the last couple of days from finals and Seth coming home and me and him spending the wee hours stealing road signs that say "Crabs, $1.00" and "Pit Beef Inside" and diner eating. So I went home, intent on sleeping to be somewhat rested for work tommorrow and Seth is at the door with Freeland. Here's the brief IM convo I've had with him a day after this big debacle happened which involved him drunk (of course), with Seth, belligerant, trash cans getting thrown at luxury cars, getting knocked the fuck out and landing flat as a board onto the curb head first, and refusing medical attention with an obvious concussion.

FrothBeard: Yep

Huggybear747: Yeah, people have been calling me wondering where you were

Huggybear747: and if you were okay.

Huggybear747: Got your wallet back?

Huggybear747: Seth took it, did he give it back to you?

FrothBeard: Yep.

Huggybear747: How is your head.

Huggybear747: ?

FrothBeard: S'alright.

Huggybear747: You know you scared the living shit out of Seth?

Huggybear747: and me included.

FrothBeard: Man... What would have made the difference if Seth was there or not? I could hav edied last night, with Seth around or not, and it just would hav been another Freeland Story...

Huggybear747: You know what matters, he's your friend, he had to sit there and watch you lay motionless on the ground bleeding.

Huggybear747: He could of got hurt physically too and seeing one of your best friends motionless on the ground bleeding is not exactly a mental picture that leaves your mind easy, especially when it's someone you care about

FrothBeard: Alright, man. Whatever.

FrothBeard signed off at 11:03:40 PM.

This is some bullshit, he's lucky he didn't die. He's lucky the cop didn't see his alcohol restriction on his liscense. I guess all those mandatory DUI classes aren't really working. It's heartbreaking and that's how I ended my Friday night.

Saturday, I come to work to find out I can't anymore. I got three tickets on my record, no more delivering pizza. So he had me stay for the day dispatching and doing basically his job while he made the schedule. He was trying to pay me 7 bucks an hour for this work. I made 10 to 12 bucks driving and it does put some damage on my truck, but if you add that all in you at least gotta be putting me around 8. I didn't get my management position, eventhough he knew I could do the job and I come in Saturday and he wants to stiff me with a 7 bucks an hour. It was a hard day, 4 new drivers and me answering phones, making food, pizza, doing driver shit, etc. for monkey change. He told me not to come in tommorrow since I couldn't drive and that'd we have to work something out........maybe.

So I might leave my job because I definitely feel betrayed. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I haven't even registered for class next semester. It felt for a brief moment my life was clear but apparently it was the eye of the shit-hurricane.

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