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2003-05-22 - 10:02 p.m. How did I get this low in life you ask? Well, -the excessive masturbation of myself and my soul -the building anxiety -the self-loathing -the lack of self-confidence -the ease of finding escapes -the lack of interest in dealing with my problems in any normal fashion in a true machismo-John Wayne style -less intimacy, more self-internalization. -Suffering to punish myself for suffering. Oh, and I can go on for days JUST WATCH. Richard Lewis tells me to lighten up. Rodney Dangerfield gives me no respect. I can't believe i've hit this low. Seriously, my shit is shambles and that's just damn unhealthy and unnecessary. I don't even want to go into details about how terrible I've been doing, it's beyond any good cry or any pep talk can remedy. I got this summer ahead of me and I'm more clueless, confused, and frightened then I've ever been. I know too much to subject myself to this bullshit and that's what hurts the most. I somehow missed the boat somewhere and I'm swimming for dear life. So why am I in the dead man's float wondering who the fuck took my floaties?
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