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Lactose did me wrong
2003-05-31 - 10:16 a.m.

What do you do when you catch a cow speeding???

GIVE HIM A MOO-VING VIOLATION!!!!!!!

I'm telling you, Milk does my body wrong. I used to love me some chocolate milk, strawberry milk, even that short lived Cookies n Cream milk. Now I can't even eat a piece of cheese or a milk shake without my stomach bitchslapping that lactose around my belly. I'm vegetarian and this is so wrong! You are taking my enjoyment in consumption in cheese and dairy away god!!!!!! Well, that's cool though, it's time to hit the quasi-vegan route. I'll still eat eggs on a occasion though since I'm pro-choice and all. And I don't understand the whole honey thing either with vegans. So I'm on the verge of cutting out dairy. Bye ice cream, you were luscious but you make my stomach feel like it's tumbling rocks in it.

The sleep doctor wants me to lose a pound a week so this will probably be a good thing for me. I just gotta cut down on my 38 servings of bread and grain everyday and take the two gallons of soda I drink and replace that with water. The soda will be a daunting task 'cause that new Sprite Remix is DA BOMB YO! That shit be like a party in my mouth! HEY!! HO!! Finally, a drink for MY GENERATION *Cue in guitar bend, throw up the universal hand signal for ROCK* It's like dissolved starbursts and skittles in your Sprite.

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