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Diaryland |
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2003-09-11 - 2:10 p.m. There is no responsibility greater to all of civilization then the raising of our children. They are the products and the future torchbearers of human triumph, struggle, and hope to be pushed beyond our mortal thresholds into the unseen. Children grow to carry with them our own legacies, mothering and fathering the same teachings and wisdom in which we carried them. There are no struggles without the human endeavor of survival and procreation. Suffice to say, it is instinct that pushes us in that direction. If we were anything less then our being of supposed �civilized� creatures, then it would seem the only purpose set forth in our �one-track� minds would be making babies and lots of them until we ourselves would cease to live. But alas, we fancy ourselves as �civilized� and say we see children as humanity�s prized progeny whenever someone confronts us with silly questions like �What about the children?� Well, what about them? It�s never been so evident in my short life and cursory examinations of American history that children need to be protected, sheltered, and diverted from humanity itself so much to a point of neurosis seen in the concerned mother who wants speed bumps in fifty foot intervals on every road in America, all the way to the first year college student whose cultural studies mainly consists of a daily dose of MTV and eating something mildly spicy on Cinco De Mayo. It frightens me to even think of having a child. The human race itself has never seen the likes of the sheer amounts of self-doubt and fear contained in the times I now live. I am immensely grateful that my mind and kid-like wonder came out so clean and true throughout the almost insurmountable bullshit that went on in my Michael Jackson 80s phase, my grunge Nirvana teenage phase, and my ever-popular gangsta rap Snoop Dogg 90s phase. As I observe these kids now, seeing their nutty parents spoiling or neglecting them sour, I soon realize I would not stand a chance in their shoes. I begin to think hard about this being the beginning to the end, but then and always just then, something cute, quirky, and completely oblivious to these ideas of lost hope, tugs at my heartstrings and makes me go �Damn, that�s just so unbelievably cute� and makes me forget the doomsday countdown, recharging my soul and reaffirming humanity�s purpose. I have quite a few peers with cute little ones. It seems quite common around where I live, but that is mainly because gossip travels fast and the reaction to knowing someone is pregnant is always first, shock, and second either being joy or disgust and nothing is more joyous in a small town then sharing the shock of disgust. But this disgust is mostly with good reason. It is never the honor roll, highly capable, and destined to be do-gooders having babies, it�s the kid that carried knives to school and his underage girlfriend drop out who found the rigors of high school just �like� too much for her. Apparently, they got it all figured out and they�ll just wing it from there on out. I find it highly implausible for these kids to effectively raise children. I firmly believe that age is no precursor to wisdom, but I also realize that most men and women in today�s world are nowhere close to pulling off successful parenting under the age of 21. The rebellion and the constant urge to prove man or womanhood in a speedy fashion has always been with the youth, but in a world spinning so fast beyond any simple comprehension the fall from failed and ill-prepared attempts to grasp it can be simply disastrous to these very children raising children. The world is still quite dizzying enough for me as I approach 22 years of attendance on this Earth. I don�t see myself having kids anytime soon or desire to. The idea itself of having kids lends to the idea of �settling down� and that is totally unsettling for me because my life is not ready to cash in on all the excess possibility. And when I speak of possibility, I don�t mean sharing various intimate experiences with numerous different women as many typical men of my age, but the tremendous amount of personal sacrifice that must be made in order to raise children. I could care less about holding down intimate relationships and consistently choose not too. It�s not that I don�t desire certain pleasantries and perks of intimacy with other living beings on that level, but I do realize that there�s a lot more important and relevant things that need to find some sort of completion in my life before a fine girl and definitely before a fine girl and a baby. Ultimately, if I do succeed in becoming the international jet-setting pop-culture icon I�ve always dreamt I�d be, the idea of having a child would become more viable. All the requirements would have to be there for my child. I must be able to raise him comfortably and be financially stable in a suitable and loving environment. Having a spouse would be preferred but not absolutely necessary. I would seriously consider adoption as an alternative to getting a girl pregnant. I figure there is a lot of people in this Earth right now, and many of those are children, and a good bit of them go harshly neglected and unloved. Gibran spoke of children in The Prophet as being �the sons and daughters of Life�s longing for itself.� It makes no difference to me if the child has my eyes or not, what matters is that the kid grows up surrounded by love and humanity. I really don�t need a wife to wear a ring around her finger for me in order for her to have my baby and it�s her god-given right to birth, nurture, and care for that baby if she sees fit. In no way do I think the idea of raising a child as a single parent is easy or can be handled by one person alone, but if it�s possible for me to raise an adopted child myself, in a loving and vibrant environment, I�ll do so. That�s one less unloved child on this Earth. If by some ungodly reason some poor girl wants to spend her life with me and make Lil hellion children, so be it. I�d preferably want us both in some decent age around the 30s because that seems most likely where you get the bulk of your shit done and start careening off the cliff of youth and hipness. In theory, it�s around there you want to give back to the world that�s treated you so well in the form of a child that�ll hopefully be programmed to pass on your legacy. Two kids would suffice, in case the first one, the guinea pig, fails. I�d have them in rapid-fire succession, not twins but a fairly close younger and older duo. It�s more advantageous for the kids that way I believe, because it�s always good to have someone likewise with you at all times just in case. I found it very helpful to have an older brother with me. He gave me something to do in between moving a lot being an army brat and gave me a straight man to do the �Whose on first?� bit. When the folks were out busting their asses for their kids, my brother was always there to make fun of me. As for gender preference, my almost natural answer would seem to be boys. I know how the boy mind works, I know the complexities of humor in a fart, and I�m no stranger to �noogies� and headlocks. But I was a �mamma�s boy� so inversely I think it would be better to have a �daddy�s girl.� I am a sucker for attention, and that�s attention being fruitful, meaningful, and progressive because most the attention I get is cheap laughs, Girls tend to be more expressive while I can get sick of playing catch and watching pro-wrestling all the time. Not that there�s anything wrong in that, it�s just I�ve been there and done that. Regardless, I�ll do my best to raise my child androgynously and I don�t mean giving him or her yellow to wear. If my son wants to parade around in mommy�s pumps and scarves, so be it. I�ll be straight up with him. If my daughter wants to help me rotate a tire, I�ll give her the lug wrench. No questions asked, only answered if they wish for them to be. My goal would not make them oblivious to gender, but more or less make them comfortable and aware of it. For the issue of the pregnancy and the childbirth that would involve me listening and nodding my head a lot because I�m a man. I know how to make the pizza, but I don�t have to deliver it. I wouldn�t go �laissez-faire� on the pregnancy and childbirth but a lot of it would have to be made by consent of my partner. I have no problem in researching on the countless options of child birthing technology and how she would want the child and being there every step of the way in the pregnancy and birthing process. My judgments tend to sway on the three different pivots: my partner�s enthusiasm, what the professionals have to say, and what nature has intended for centuries. If all seems healthy and well with no complications, I�d figure natural birth is best and maybe throw in an epidural if my partner�s going to squeeze all the life out of whatever appendage she lunges for on my body as she curses at me violently. I would prefer that the birth itself take place where doctors and nurses with capable instruments close by. I just don�t tend to trust the luxuries of home too much when my partner is squeezing out a moving thing approaching the size of a watermelon out of her body. I don�t personally like the sterile atmospheres and lights of hospitals but a lot of hospitals these days have birthing centers which sort of tone down the coldness of normal hospital rooms and I�d probably would want my partner to give birth at one of those places. I will definitely be front and center for the birth, I figure I helped make this thing and I�m going to see it through. I don�t want a party with cameras up there. I would definitely want a good midwife for the pregnancy and birth though developing a good relationship with my partner and I throughout the pregnancy on a more personal level then what a doctor can do. As far as after the baby pops out, I would definitely push for breastfeeding. You got all the nutrients right there in those mammaries, every single one a growing infant needs. It�s especially important in my opinion that it creates an even tighter bond between baby and mother that only the natural ability to nurture can provide. I have no idea how long a mother should breast feed, but if I figure if the baby can start eating good food other then the mushy carrots, the mushy peas, and the mushy green beans, then that�s when you take the baby off. I�m guessing if you can eat, then you can lay off the teat. I would do everything within my power to spend time with my child when it comes to avoiding work I�m not fully invested in. Hopefully, I will be in a job where I make my own schedules and appointments as I see fit, but if I�m not capable of such luxuries I�d take full advantage of the FMLA and any leave I had at my occupation to raise my child. I know it is of utmost importance to be there in the intense stages of early child development and it is important to me that the child raising be a joint effort of mainly my partner and I and our loved ones. I would not want a lop-sided child rearing effort. The efforts would be divided out as evenly as possible and intensely planned out but still allowing for the occasional game of �rock, paper, scissors� to decides who tends to the crying baby. It would be very important to me to be an integral part of my children�s lives past infancy and throughout the �Why?� phases, all the way into their schooling. After that, I would lay off the intense regimen and allow my son or daughter to venture out more into the world. I don�t want to smother my child. I don�t want to strangle my child either. I want his or her natural curiosity and ability to reason to take root amongst their peers. If something goes wrong on the initial test flights, believe me his or her ass is going to be retooled. As soon as my child reaches preschool age, my main objective is switched from being a nurturer to one of guidance and support as I return to my own exodus in preserving my pop culture icon status. I wouldn�t necessarily bust my ass as much as I would before having children but I�d get pretty close to straddling the idea of being a capable and responsible parent and a hard-working man. I�ve been told on numerous occasions that I would be a �great dad someday� and if that isn�t the most odd and disturbing thing to say to me in random conversation, I don�t know what is. Weird or not, it always gets me thinking. I really think I could pull off a half decent job. I got a heart full of love and a mind full of reason. It appears to me also I have quite a bit of time on this Earth. Having a kid could be inevitable. And that endeavor if I decide to take it will probably be the most challenging and rewarding thing I can give back to humanity. I certainly don�t intend to raise no slouches and the best possible job that can be done, will be done. I believe I�ve been raised right enough to perform these tasks of making the future of humanity and advancing civilization for the better. The fact of having children might scare me now, but throughout the bullshit that goes on in this world and that keeps piling high above our heads, it occurs to me that the only hope I can see on some days is that in which children naturally and innocently possess. And it is that foresight that allows me to believe and embrace future generations and carry that ideal love into everything I do.
------------------------------ I must say I feel painfully unwitty with my excessive attempts at being wise. I've never really turned in a paper with the words BULLSHIT on them anywhere. It should be interesting to get back. It's just one big blurb of a brainstorm occurred overnight. I know I could do better then this and revise and make it more concise, but my mind just wants to lay back and drink a Natty Boh 40oz which apparently exist, being discovered by Nick on Tuesday night. In other news, I must tell you Hall and Oates "Sara Smile" is the jam of the fall. My god, I must of listened to that song driving to class about 25 times straight. It was one of those songs that made me drive down York Road with my windows down so that all the passerbys could hear it. I came to a stop light with Hall and Oates cranked full and I look over to the left and I grab eye contact with this guy on the sidewalk and we simultaneously nod our heads and start singing and dancing all in the busy intersection. That shit was priceless. "Sara Smile" is just the type of song that'll make the whole world together and collectively say "Got damn! Daryl man loved that woman!" It makes me want to go out and get a girl named Sara just so I can sing that shit to her. Hell, if my name was Sara, I'd make sweet love to own damn self after hearing that song.
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