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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2003-10-06 - 7:09 a.m. 22 years of perfect attendence on this Earth. Yup.........a wonderous thing.......22 and counting. Jesus and Johosaphats.......damn. So it's my birthday and I want to share a funny moment with my fan(s) and it goes a little something like this: Okay, you ever have one of those moments in your life when no one is around and you do/see/catch something absolutely hilarious and laugh out loud when no one is hearing/looking/noticing? Maybe it's an embarassing moment like walking into a broom or just a spontaneous thought spark of pure comedic brilliance that just makes you smile at the finer things in life. Well, yesterday, it went down like this. I was home most the day, alone. Okay, and I think it's naturally assumed that everyone knows when they got a house to themselves for any extended period of time, some quality ME time will ensue. ME time being, maybe cozying up to a book, watching some movies you've been wanting to see, cleaning up your room, writing the great American novel, etc. etc. BUT there's also a side of ME time that's rarely discussed.......And that would be... SELF LOVE. Yes, masturbation. I did my "lion's share" of it yesterday, and let me tell you, it was fucking great. It's the best time to masturbate, because you ain't looking over your shoulder or churning out 2000 pumps a minute to get that quick nut before someone calls you, knocks on your door, or god forbid walks in on you. In times of what I like to call "Masturbatory Peril" you must reach 0-to-nut in X amount of seconds, making it seem mechanical and cold. Now, when you're alone for any extended period, it's like oh shit, it's masturbatory marathon time. You explore, you create an atmosphere(much like a Kenny G album) and you stroke for pleasure. Yesterday was one of those times for me. It was all right, I didn't try any new tricks or anything, no new techniques or discoveries to talk about, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself again, and again, yet again, and again some more, and again again, and one more time again. Inbetween that and cleaning my room, I was pretty exhausted at the end of the night. Anywhos, here's the funny. Okay, you know how when you clean your room, you find shit you've been looking around for or you got like old clothes that you just wonder why you got them? Then you go ahead and just wear those said clothes while cleaning because in all likelihood, you'll never wear those clothes out in public? Maybe it's just me, but I do anything to distract myself from cleaning and one of those things is dress up. So to make a long story short, I had a 80s headband on with my hair all spiked up yesterday. And only after the 6th "intermission" of cleaning my room, did I notice I've been jerking off with this headband on and my hair spiked up. And at that precise moment I thought, man what a bad gay porno this is and just started busting out laughing in a dead quiet house. All I could think of is the "I'm a maniac" song and camera shots of me all in my headband and torn acid washed jeans with colored tights underneath and a vest with paint splatters all on it and me stroking and sweating with that 80s tenancity where you do your best Pat Benatar "Love is a Battlefield" face to show that you are serious and intense. It was completely a Tom Cruise "Risky Business" moment, just alot dirtier and cheesier.
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