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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2003-12-07 - 4:32 p.m. I don't know how it came to be again, but leaving without a trace or a goodbye seems so tempting right now. Just bouncing the fuck out for a good and long time looking for a life that I just can't seem to find. My mind has been in different places for the last couple of weeks. I know I've been to some of these places but seriously, it doesn't get any better feeling what is seemingly becoming familiar. This just goes to show you how far I've dug deep and long. I feel like I've been in a kind of sensory deprivation. There's tons of shit going on around me but I don't care. My mind has been here and there. I've driven to the point of crying and to the point of having fun and I can't make out if I'm happy, sad, fucked up, or fine. Sometimes I feel like I'm acting out parts of my life. I'm willfully manipulating myself to shape what's around me. To put it another way, it's like I have a motivations for emotions and I don't feel motivated by my emotions. I don't feel sensory at all, it all feels numb. I don't trust my emotions and I act two face with them and feel as if I can turn them on and off whenever I feel like it.......well at least when people are around. I'm going mad at a snail's pace but the tempo is increasing, it's only a matter of time I guess.
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