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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2003-12-11 - 1:21 a.m. One second, I'm packing my bags, the next, I'm laughing at the little things. You ever get that feeling of just wanting to get the fuck out, far out into some place with no obligations, just a clean slate, and become a mystery again to strangers and a topic of interest?! Or is that just me? Maybe I give up too easy, but I tell ya'll right now, I'm alive, still living......something is keeping me alive. I've had more near death experiences on my fingers and toes when you consider me passing out at the wheel going 60+ mph down freeways. I've thought of easier ways out too here and there, you know sometimes even for shits and giggles. I'm one of those kids that kids that get high all the time want to get high with. They think my funniness increases ten fold or their laughter threshold or whatever. That's why I've been blessed with never paying for the smoke. I might of threw down a total of 15 bucks.......over 3 years.I don't think I'm funnier. I remember Nick and John had an IM conversation about me and brought up that I was like "Dennis Hopper." There's kinder ways of saying I'm kooky and eccentric I guess but I wear my craziness with a certain pride. I'm happy I'm bananas even after having a breakdown.....I'm probably more bananas. The lack of sleep I've been getting, that's probably made me TRE TRE bananas on top of the already accelerated banana state. I feel my emotions can be easily manipulated, like I have a super mind or something. I've been extra fucked up for awhile now and it's all coming into an non-climatic end. I feel everything is a big joke. I'm knocking everything back down to a common denominator and beating my heart deep into my chest. It hurts. It's gonna hurt. There's more hurt coming before I see anything happy again.......but shit, I almost forgot what that was. It's been too long time, we've got some things to desparately catch up on. No relaxing for me......only paralysis.......deprivation. TIME TO MAKE THE DONUTS!!!! My hustle will be on soon, whether I like it or not, but what I do know, I'm not gonna be hustlin' on these old beat tracks.........and that's pretty much all I know. "Burger Hut Assistant Management" here I COME!!!!!!!!!!
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