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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2004-05-02 - 8:07 a.m. 8 days, I hope all my fan(s) didn't think I died or something. Anywhos, let's talk turkey...... Seems like love or should I say "lust" is in the air. Something about blue skies and the sun pounding down on your skin that makes you say, GOD DAMN I WANT TO DO SOME FUCKIN'! Dogs are in heat, backin' up on anything that touches them, much like the drunk fugly girl on the dance floor. Every public place you go to almost seems like a crowded disco of ass n' titties. Women got their knockers propped up, showing their legs, short, long, hairy, nasty, dry, cankles, chipped toenail polish, fugly feet and what have you. Men start getting allergic reactions to those things called SLEEVES and sometimes it's so bad that they gotta remove the whole shirt. Ere'body got gay ass sunglasses on like they play volleyball n' shit, looking like extras from "SIDEOUT" and shit. It's either that, or the J-Lo specials. the official eyewear for skanks. Anyways, if I'm hating, please apoligize me for my own nature. I love the summer, I really do. When I was a kid, I initially liked it, but it started to become this big gap of time that I had to fill with things. I spent so much of my summer youth couped up in the house, with my brother, crackin' on him and him crackin' on me. We grew up in Texas hill country and in the summertime, you'd see mirages 5 feet in front of your face and it was almost as if you were getting into a life threatening situation whenever you decided to play basketball outside at high noon. In my budding teen years, I had no friends, moving to a wasteland of a place called "NORTHWEST GEORGIA." Changed my whole fucking life. There were days where I'd stare at the ceiling for hours, literally. I remember farting alot. My brother and I were at the mercy of our ability to make friends and the transportation capabilities that our parents could provide. When you're a teenager, you naturally "feel" alienated, but then you add to that the ACTUAL FEELING of alienation, it was like I suffered a double angst phase in my life. I developed sleep apnea over there. I watched alot of bad movies. The only solace, a video store, which my brother and I would trounce off too when my mom or dad were kind enough to throw us a dollar or two. Marching to that broke down video store/tanning place was a stunt in itself, two fat kids trying to dodge cars on a two lane superhighway that we lived right off of, it was really ridiculous and is scary thinking about it now, but hey, that's what we had to do in the summer to keep some sort of order in our muddled teen heads. It took me a good couple of years to shake those bad summers off, but the after-effects of those summers still stick in my mind and shape my soul. Apnea especially, depression most definitely. It really is fuzzy looking back, my childhood summers, filled with fun and youth activity centers and summer camp and then my teenage summers, filled with insanity, self-loathing, excessive flatulence, and solitary confinement. I can't believe I made it this far. My Maryland summers have been different. Still the same old teen bullshit in some cases, filled with crushes and heartbreak, idle time and grunt work for scratch, good times, bad times, etc. Something always crazy going down. Complete and utter randomness. Love thrown about, love thrown out, Death and rebirth, triumph and confusion.......all within an endless summer. All I care to know now is how blue the sky is, how green the trees are, and the feeling of almost wanting to cry trying to take it all in, almost like that dumbass dude from "American Beauty" with the plastic bag. The other day, I drove home from work, and they played "Right Place, Wrong Time" by Dr. John and followed it up with "Cinnamon Girl" by Neil Young ON THE GOD DAMN RADIO NO LESS! and the shit was just so good, I had to take the scenic way home. And on the way to the long way home, a bird was flying right next to my truck as if to say, "I'm with you dawg!" and all of a sudden, I saw rhythm in everything, it was like the whole world was orchestrated masterwork, I saw the ONES and ZEROS n' shit like in the "Matrix" for a second there. It makes my heart swell up. Beautiful people, beautiful world, seems like everybody around me is having an endless summer. Exploring new things, learning new secrets, opening up to intimacy, traveling, creating, it's mind-shattering, shitkickin', TCBin' type shit goin' on that's moving me to get up in the morning.
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