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CYOA #120819084 Mike, You're a STAR..........MON-STAR!!!!!!!!
2004-05-05 - 4:33 a.m.

God damn, oatmeal, you cheap ass delicious breakfast food, where have you been all my life?!?!? EGGO waffles, what makes you so great with butter?!? I cherish breakfast, fo' real.

In the downstairs bathroom, which is always devoid of new reading material, I placed a copy of "Choose Your Own Adventures #84 YOU ARE A MONSTER!" and have been throughly enjoying it during the moments of my day where I eject body waste. Indeed, my heart pounds, my bowels rustle up, my teeth grit.......TURN TO PAGE 86 TO CONFRONT THE EVIL DR. NAIR or JOIN THE CIRCUS ON PAGE 23?!?!? Decisions decisions......It's hard being a monster. One second people want to kill you, next second they want you working for a logging company.

Sometimes I think, some people look at their lives much like CYOA's, but boring adventures at that. Seriously, we're not all swashbuckling mutant monsters or anything, but god damn, why do we gotta be so refined blandness......so purified water flavorless?

I want to make a movie adaptation of YOU ARE A MONSTER! and burn it to a DVD and put the choices in chapters and make it interactive. The dialogue and story is about on a 10 year old reading level and is really compressed to fit in a small paperback and to keep with a kid's attention span. It's like a story on crack, with no back story.....no reasons why......or how it makes you feel......you're just a monster and you gotta deal with it.......plus, imagine making a monster suit and evil scientist costumes and silly ass scenes and cracked out speedball dialogue.........oh I smell it coming........I just gotta write the bitch.

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