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To the ultimate submissives.
2004-10-02 - 11:58 a.m.

The only reason we race is to let someone else know that there's something they're beating, something tangible, something that will let them know that if and when they win, they did it fair and square, no bullshit......well, at least that's how they feel, saying this now is sorta ironic, it lets out the secret, but hey, something tells me people will still play along.

Hey, we play like hell to win and when we do compete, but not in the sort of tenacity you would want to believe, but we do play the part well. Fuck a prize, fuck the satisfaction of knowing that someone lost, and fuck counting all the W's and L's at the end of life just to pat yourself on the back. Make someone think. Direct lifes in such a way that they don't even think you're there. Be an invisible hand.

At first, we would think it's so thoughtful, so selfless, but if we start to think about it, we're either doing it because we're afraid to walk out as far or we're afraid to lead and only can do as much as open the door and grab their ankles and have them drag us with them. Has the time already passed for us? Don't think we got what it takes but got all of what we need other then confidence? It's shallow at best and symbolic of being beyond victory and defeat, but we still wince at losing and we still feel we should deserve something.

It's a hellish place to be. Pretty soon, the only reason we poke and prod others is because we've already beaten ourselves into a stalemate, hopelessly deadlocked in deliberation with our mind over everything to the point of insanity. We've got the strength to laugh and the strength to speak, but completely powerless over the outcome of tommorrow. So we ask questions, we thrist knowledge........and increasingly it's more shit we already know, which is always good to have verified to an extent (experiencing the potpourri of senses from different minds and such), but don't get me wrong, as days pass by, we seem to get less and less of real inspiration, new concepts, new ways and all we end up getting is the artistic pony ride through someone's mind.

And then it causes us to wonder, is it my way of thinking that binds me up inside? Time to start looking to ignorance and start wishing it were that simple and care-free again. Who ever admits to ignorance anyways? Who ever is satisfied with just saying, "I'm care-free?" Ignorant people are the ones that always seem to be so sure, setting up their knowledge to be verified in simple systems and because they are seemingly incapable of admitting to submission. Smart people are always twiddling their thumbs wondering when the next dark cloud is coming over their path. We sure as hell wished we didn't have to thrist for more when we couldn't accept what someone said to us. We just couldn't of sat there and took it, we had to jump up and be different.

Now we're wondering when the next step is going to be taken. The fucking stairs have got longer and steeper and our feet feel like lead bricks as our hesitation sweats slip off us like we were melting in place under a heat lamp. Suddenly, we get the notion, "Could this be it?" We've been told all these years to walk the path and it seems like we're melting right to it. Become the step, become the mountain? Melt into "One-ness" perhaps? In the words of James Brown, do we "Get down so you can Get up?" At some point after all this open-ended nonsense, we're like, FUCK IT........."What was happy like again?" "Why did we walk away from innocence again?"

Who sold us this shit and why did we buy it? Where were the turning points anyways? Crossing our fingers, we hope it wasn't over anything silly, but chances are, probably was, and probably by then the exhaustion has already battered your mind into the pure laughter that comes out the body which is so thick and true and can damn near put anyone at ease.

And at that precise moment, whether no one is listening or not, we realize, as long as we feel hopeless, there's a slight chance that someone out there will try to prove us wrong, and that thought alone could very well be enough to push on through, because hey, at least we know we're not alone in being afraid of tommorrow.

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