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Diaryland |
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2004-10-22 - 4:37 a.m. Let's get some things stragiht....... -Nikc, you get all the credit, my bad. -Okay, Bat took a strange white woman that was only 23 to his house.....and not 30........(personally, I couldn't bring a woman home with cousin in the dark watching Sportscenter not ten feet away from the "tap" zone.) Alright, now we got that out the way........ ....other then masturbating like it was the last hour on Earth....... I've been scratching alot......it's weird, I think it's the only activity that I normally engage on my own.....I mean it's a stretch to get me reaching to the tables......but when I do......I don't want to be anywhere else. Lil' Stevey Fleg got his shit together......makes me want to get my shit together scratch wise anyways. I put a fat check in the bank, and went to Record and Tape Traders (picked up Black Sheep "Wolf in Sheep's Clothing", the new J-zone "A Job Ain't Nothin' But Work", Mannie Fresh's 12" "Big thangs", Brass Monkey LP-"Strange Days" <-hotness, and some Ronnie Dyson), and ate at Baja Fresh. Mike got the "Baja Fresh Girl" hook-up.....I was mad hungry and went to the line twice, like a true fat boy. I hung out with Nikc most the day. It felt weird......and no, not from gay tension........but I just felt like I had nothing to do......when I got plenty of shit to do.......I don't know, something about it all, I just felt like a guy on his day off that didn't know what to do with himself. The feeling was terrible. ...I skipped a haircut.......the mullet lives another day. Nikc gave me back the 30 CDs or so that I've either left, or let him borrow at his house. Nikc has got a prop for the Homo-Zombie project that's a jar of Vaseline with a sticker that says ASS CREAM.......and under those words is "Fancy".......like there's a "Fancy Style" ass-cream as opposed to just the "regular OR Chunky -style." This broke off into a discussion about Petroleum Jelly itself........ WHAT IN THE FUCK DOES ONE NEED A 32oz JAR OF PETROLEUM JELLY FOR? Can you name 10 uses for Vaseline off the top of your head? Chapped Lips? Unless you're Steven Tyler........ Ashy skin? Vaseline doesn't get "Absorbed" like lotion does......shit sticks to you, dry or not....... Lubricate your bike chain????? .......maybe...... BUT We all know what the big tub of vaseline is for.......... HARDCORE MASTURBATION. Yes, that's it, whether you're doing it solo or tag-teaming with a friend, Petroleum Jelly is the dick tug's best friend. But seriously, it isn't like lotion......makes your dick greasy as fuck......and is the most industrial kinda cheap lubricant you can get other then maybe food grade white grease. Now, personally, I say fuck lubricants when it comes to soloing, but if I was digging holes for a living with my bare hands, I can see why one would decide to get a jar..... BUT, Why still Petroleum Jelly of all things? Nikc and I pondered this over the fact we knew and old film professor of ours had a tub of vaseline at his house with a spoon beside it, and that shit pretty much made us think. He was a single dude, in his 30s or so, had stacks of tapes in a dirty ass apartment, we looked at each other and knew this could only mean one thing...... Now, we imagined how many times did our professor come to class with a greasy dick? .......I know this sounds gay, but think about it. You can rub a dallop (just like our film professor) of vaseline on your penis and it won't act like a lotion.......it sticks to your dick literally......unless of course, you have a chapped dick......In that case, you need to see a doctor and quit beating off with Abestos gloves. Now, vaseline is hard to even wash off, water and oil don't mix naturally, so if you decide to beat off with this, it's more then likely your ass ain't makin' any plans for the day, unless you plan to spend a fifteen minute shower of hopefully gentle penis scrubbing. But knowing men in general and humanity in general for that fact, I wonder, how many greasy dicked fellas are roaming the streets right now? How could you just jerk off with some industrial substances and go about your day with the shit still stuck on you? ......My balls get sweaty.....shit I'm disgusted.....with the "Sticking" factor and all........just imagine a vaseline covered dick in your pants, going about your day, staying active n' shit, walking, sitting, eating......that shit would bother the hell out of me. Imagine the pants/underwear lint sticking to your shit.....Imagine the petroleum smell intermixed with that rank cheese-busted condoms aroma (Because seriously, it can be safely assumed that if you leave the lube on your dick, chances are, you're not cleaning up your little fallen soldiers either....nasty fucks.........) The shit just bothers me and people are buying it by the case as we speak. I guess it's understandable too if you're in one of those "Crockpot" slow stroke modes.......but seriously, I still don't personally see the need and think the benefits are overshadowed by the drawbacks......that is unless your life consists of a primary and strict regimen of near-constant dick beatings.......which I think surfaces at least once in the span of a man's life....and some of us repeat offenders even couldn't go through a whole jar in 10 years.........A lil' dab will do ya right? I'm all about economizing economy sizes and whether taking a finger dab, or a precise teaspooned measurement, that jar is gonna see Dick Clark drop the ball quite a few times no matter what.........
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