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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2004-11-12 - 4:48 p.m. Listening to: Manu Chao "Radio Bemba Sound System" Yeah, so I'm a human being at heart, and I'm pessimistic by the grace of god. I doubt I'll see that day job coming anytime soon. I figured I'd jump into that shit real soon, but the whole idea is bound to be buried in the coming months. I have an aching feeling and the growing doubt. Not anyone's fault of course. Just nobody got any balls at the job or the time to give two shits. People pulling for me left and right, it's pretty optimistic from that standpoint, but I've seen more then one occasion where a job bid never gets filled and is fully signed up for....but just dissolves at the last minute, even if they interviewed a bunch of people. The position they've been trying to push for me is something never created and is new and needs official job titles and descriptions wrote up and whatnot and if the Human Resources actually decides to lift a finger to do that, it's gotta be completed in full and explained to the higher ups and from there.......they gotta bring it to Regional and corporate which I would probably think rivals the "Living Tribunal" from the Marvel Universe AND they gotta approve of it. And if that all goes through, it's gotta be some time before I accept it. I ain't taking it if they pay me shit....because the job is exceptionally more challenging and more important then what I do there now. They ain't getting away with paying me the same shit they pay me already in that position. They better give me scrilla. Even then, if I do take it, I gotta train new people to backfill in my spot and maybe even train someone to replace"Broke-down retarded Craig T. Nelson" if he don't get his shit together. Everyone is supposedly pulling for me....management, supervisors, maintenence, my manager, other higher ups, the folks on the floor.......but as I've learned before, doesn't have to mean shit to those that make you official. I did learn a cool quote from the regional QA man: "In god we trust, but all others bring data." What a statistics geek, but he's right.......all trust......but I've seen no progress. I did work in the day sitting in with my manager and other higher ups for an audit for the last 2 days, but that ain't nothing, I learned some stuff.....but that doesn't tell me if I'm any warmer from getting the desired position......just another dick tease as far as I'm concerned. Statistically speaking, I give myself 12% chance in landing this shit and the only reason that it is 12% is because I am a human being and I feel as if I still have a soul somewhat, but they ain't getting more then that. No use for me to go out and bust more ass. It's just not smart-just imagine the guy who wears his sunglasses indoors........He's not gonna take off his sunglasses for anyone......I'm too cool for school for that. It really sucks all and all. I haven't been able to focus all that well on anything other then grand job schemes and I feel like I've overgave to these attentions. I've spent the last two days working during the day. It's got me tired, gotta go back to working nights Tuesday.....it'll be probably another week till I get my sleep straight again to the 5 hours I normally get. I haven't been eating right. Nothing but crap in my house to eat. It's food, it's crap. I've been smoking a bit again. I know I got alot of projects under my belt, because I dwell on them when I get past maybe 10 things to do and never do any, but spend an excessive amount of thought and energy in wondering why I don't do it inbetween eating, sleeping, working, and jerking off like the start of some bad art love story. I figure I cut out the bad one thing at a time in my life, but that doesn't get me anywhere closer to the fundamental problems I have.......just sorta puts a band-aid on a slit throat. A fruitful life is full of challenging conflict, but every so often, you wonder if you're taking a bit more shit then normal....or at least that's what the perception tells you....or me at least, even if it's 72 degrees and sunny on the outside. I can easily be called a genius, kook, or an asshole in the same sentence.
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