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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2005-07-17 - 8:01 p.m. I feel kind of weird as of late. It�s almost as a plot of a bad movie. I�m on dire straits, not the band, but in luck. I�ve got 2 weeks to come up with 3500 dollars or the kid dies. 3500 dollars isn�t that much though and it�s comforting to be able to have the option of putting it on a VISA. It�s a pretty fucking big dent for me though and this isn�t even factoring in the books, we�re probably talking 4g�s easy. So yeah, my mind has been pre-occupied by the extent of the dent as of late. In my last entry, I posted my financial aid appeal, it takes 2 weeks from when they receive the letter for them to apparently make a decision. In two weeks, the bill is due. Pickle��.. Now, to come up with 3500 dollars on my own, isn�t impossible, just a slight on the irritable side especially when I am uncertain about my financial aid fate. It�s suspense I could do without, but shit I gotta do regardless. I had time to write this financial appeal, sufficient time, but for me, it�s not an easy thing to plead for your own worth. I must admit I was pretty mad that I had to �prove� myself to a board of people despite all my efforts to make a return to their blessed institution. I find it quite discomforting, but I did muster 3000 words in what I would fancy a heroic effort on my own part in the nick of time���.or not. Time will tell. In the mean time, I got to do a financial breakdance routine. My brother gave me hope by considering liquidating my assets, selling my prized possessions like I was some sort of bankrupt �pops-a-dent� contracting business. Admitted it�s not that bad, but it does indeed occupy your mind despite the million other things that are flying past me at very high rates of speed. I got a frame of a penis shaft sitting in a shed looking more and more like a �spruce goose� everyday, otherBHP stuff, a long distance relationship to maintain, and all the million little things that manage to irritate me-like things I�ve told people I would do as long as a year or more ago, dirty room, books to read, programs to study, quitting my job and then finding another���..it seems after awhile escape becomes the most potent desire and a too acute sense of paranoid sets in with anything of value-car is making funny noise! OH SHIT WHAT KINDA BULLSHIT COULD THIS BE!?!?! All in all, I feel on top of it strangely. This is probably some of the heavier kinds of stresses put on my life, but I still put my pants on one leg at a time, even if it takes me 5 minutes to do so, before the company comes. Silently in my head, I say �bring it on.� This life is too strong to be brought down before the bullshit of the earth anymore, but shit, I ain't too manly to not accept the world's good graces, because I know now that I bask in them everyday. Plan B, become a man-whore.
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