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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2005-08-10 - 2:55 a.m. It�s 2am, hour 7 of 12 of work and I�m done for the night technically. I�m listening to a Cut Chemist mix, writing this in an air-conditioned lab, sipping on a mug of white tea. I might get a line call, I might get a hold ware issue, and I could enter in last month�s data I have refused to enter and just let pile up sky high. I became uncaring to data entry after I told them of my resignation. I�ve entered in my share and their shares many times over I feel, but probably after this entry I�ll finish off the mountain of data to be respectful. I think I�ll miss this job in many respects. Not the greatest paying by any sense of the word, but it was technically my 1st real job-job. I have found out, when given designated duties, I am perfectly capable of working by myself. I am smart and highly capable of handling problems that involve many other people and confident enough to make decisions and give recommendations that will affect them. No music whatsoever to work to would make this job or any future jobs near impossible. I�ve read whole books here for leisure. The recent inclusion of high-speed, network Internet at this job makes it the ultimate slacker�s paradise of a stable and uninspiring job. I got greener pastures in which to graze upon in my upcoming years without question. Most definitely it will hurt more then just having a slacker job, that�s for sure. I�m already poor, soon-to-be unemployed and basically signing my life to living with my parents for at least another 2 years. �Rome wasn�t built in a day.� I should care to say. My life has probably been through more changes, phases, and stages then Joan River�s face. But this train keeps a�rollin, hauling ass-kickin� from coast to coast. It amazes me how low I fell in life and how much I wrote about it. As much as I wrote about my past in this diary, for the life of me, I can�t seem to sum up all these low moments and history in some glossed over way. I�ve wished for a long while to just compress this mass of thought over the years and make something creative out of it, the story seems interesting enough and with a sleep deprivation/sleep apnea slant. Now if only if I could write�. Tonite, before work, I thought, I want to make a comedy specifically about depression. All aspects of it specifically from the �Tom Cruise� scientologist view (otherwise known as: the view of a �crazy asshole�) to the anti-depressant dependent to the common and when you really think about it, the comical cycles of everyday depression. Areas also to touch base on would be the quest for empathy and phenomenon such as mass sympathy and apathy and the reasons behind it. It�s a lot to think about and absorb and a lot of it will be challenging to try to make even funny. I feel this �era� of my life in writing here in diaryland needs to be fittingly sent off in this creative sort of way. I loved every bit of diaryland, down to the angst, bad grammar, and the horrible layouts. I don�t wish to erase this past. I wish to champion it into something creative. I think I�ve grown over my time here and to think about this generally, it�s quite fascinating to find someone who has written publicly about their life, quite openly during some pivotal times of his/her life and kept on going. I have indeed slowed with my updating here, but it is because I feel a change is needed, my writing to me, begs for changes. Changes to what? More shitty metaphors? Not really. My life is more then yearning, burning, and sulking. I think I�ve realized that more and more in the recent months. I�ve touched hearts and minds and made people laugh over this stuff and I want to continue to do those things without a doubt. I�ve lost a personal edge and intimacy with my writing and have gained a want to write for readers and I�ve been teetering between the two things for quite awhile. I think most of the changes I feel needing to be done are simply finding a balance between the personal and the joy of an audience. Plus my supergold membership is conking out soon and that�s why I got 10000 banners running along with that annoying Austrailian woman who thinks she�s got boobs. Sorry, but I had to get my money�s worth. I can�t afford the paid membership and have two journal alternatives in line in which I will write in both until I get tired of one or maybe even both. Email me for the new journal URLs if you wish fan(s). I will post my first few entries from both of them in here and keep all my past entries in here as well for your reading pleasure. I know a lot of you write on these other �diaryland alternatives,� so yeah, hook me up with your URLs too. I�ll be steady reading your diaryland diaries till you stop posting��.you know who you are.
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