Latest

Archives

Notes

Guestbook

Email

Diaryland

Rings

Hot Button Action!

Fotolog

About Me

Failed Attempts to Increase College Library Attendence?
2005-09-30 - 7:25pm

So, now that I'm this college student now, I spend alot of time in the library, something I never did unless by force in my previous tenure in college. It's a wonderland of knowledge and much like I pothead, it struck me to comment to myself, "Wow, this place is like primitive internet.....whoa." So, since the first weeks of the semester, I've been exploring this "Hamster-on-the-wheel-google" of information quite extensively. This includes searching out places where you could leave dead bodies and no one would find them for days, looking for possible books to steal, and finding sanctuary from fellow students referring to celebrity relationships by fucking the star's two first names together.

The library is a peaceful, fascinating place that doesn't smell like grandma's house and despite it's genericness in every old town big enough to have one, it is a rare haven of antiquity, ideas, and of course.....condom machines. Through my swashbuckling through the various sections of the Albert S. Cook library, I've found a peculiar curiousity that has nothing to do with books, slides, maps, or reference material. If you have the chance, enter the 2nd floor Men's bathroom, and look over on the wall over yonder and behold vending machine greatness. Condoms! In 2 varieties no less!

Now, on a college campus, that offers condoms freely on dormitory floors, in the health center, and extant material of David Cross' supposed "Profilactic Johnny Appleseed" amongst the campus grounds, you can only hope to not be puzzled by this condom dispensing machine which usually finds its' home in truck stops stuffed ass-deep with the best French Ticklers this side of the Mississippi.

Now, living in a capitalist society one must conclude with basic economics that a steady demand was put forth and that demand was therefore satisfied. Maybe the puritanical nature of our society and the liberal ways of Universities clashed and came to a compromise, allowing this machine dealing out sin at 50 cents a pop in a bathroom on the second to last floor of a library, where no one could possibly get two quarters to haphazardly spend, therefore keeping the "rated G" populace calm and not in a sexually triggered horror.

Let's face it, people were fucking. Fucking in the library and fucking alot and I can't express to you the joy that surges through me to know this very fact. I too, will one day, have sexual relations in a library. So the next time you pass the Italian language section of your local library, just think, people might of made love right there. The library is ripe with possibilities people, ripe like a pair of melons in a pair of paper bags.

For the record, I love America.

previous - next


a studio-loo design

Get reviewed by DiaryReviews!