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Diaryland |
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2003-11-20 - 6:03 a.m. I need to get into a focused zone and finish all that needs to be finished. This paper on ICSI is due next week and all I got is a bunch of sources. The week after that, I got a Women and Aging paper that's due on December 1st on Filipino care givers and I haven't even started on that basically and I need to interview people at my mom's work and my mother. So I need to develop questioning for the interviews and gather sources on the topic, and write that. I need to also make a presentation and outline for a December 7th presentation on a chapter of Bakari Kitwana's "Hip-Hop Generation." Then I got this other 5 to 7 page paper that's gonna be mostly primary research on Baltimore Club music or a topic somewhere within Baltimore Club music that's due on December 8th. All between this, I got to assemble a group of 3 people, reserve equipment, gather money to buy 4 rolls of film and get film developed and then transferred AND THEN edited to do a final film project-WHICH I have little or no idea for sure of what we're exactly doing that's gotta get done in the midst of all these papers. We gotta do some shooting next week on Monday or Tuesday maybe.......probably all the equipment is checked out for break and kids are most likely going out of town during break. Something has to at least get shot, maybe 2 rolls. Oh yeah, on top of that, the last project that we did needs to get transferred today and after that needs to get edited. It's essential that I pass all these classes with better then a 2.0, because I'm officially on an academic warning and if I don't bump up my 1.74 or whatever GPA I got after this semester, I get put on Academic Suspension. I'm dead broke and will be in debt officially after the 4th of December. I got 200 some odd dollars on the VISA, a 50 dollar phone bill, I need to throw in on 4 rolls of film and their developing and transfer fees, that's around the 50-70 dollar range. Christmas shopping, forget about it, you getting an IOU or a card that I make myself. All this time, I'm still in need of gas money to get to class and wherever I need to go. I'm due for an oil change. I'm trying to assemble 4 DJs to start this crew and get some live mix CD done or a multi-tracked one done. I got engagements here and there. People out of the woodwork asking me to do this and go here. Nick, my brother, I and some other folks got film and video projects in line during the break. A job needs to be procured during sometime, a job that doesn't require me to sell my soul to the devil and make me feel like shit everyday, which might not be possible. I got a mini-mester class over the break too, a one week intensive course, 5 days, 7 hours a day on Perspectives on Rape in Mid-January. If you already didn't know, I got a penchant for procrastination and a drought for any sort of motivation other then fear and worry. Now, what I got going for me. Parents that provide me a roof over my head and a truck to drive and vegatarian food to eat. They provide a hell of alot more too, all the bare essentials and "essentials." I gots my dawgs and dawgettes. I'm considerably healthy (I don't know how I'm gonna be physically after all this, maybe my hair will fall out.) I haven't gave up yet where I would of usually just said "FUCK IT." in the past, but I'm pushing it to the brink. I could be draining myself in thoughts of why this shit happened, but there's no time to measure all the variables that made me where I am right now in my life experiment. I realize that now, I can't argue about my limitations anymore, I gotta work with it, I gotta finish. Me worry? Nah........... Me Stressed? I'm cooler then cool baby................ Okay, if you didn't catch that sarcasm in type-form, then you should really know that I'm really damn scared.
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