 |
|
 |
|
 Latest
|
Diaryland |
|
2005-07-17 - 8:01 p.m. I feel kind of weird as of late. It’s almost as a plot of a bad movie. I’m on dire straits, not the band, but in luck. I’ve got 2 weeks to come up with 3500 dollars or the kid dies. 3500 dollars isn’t that much though and it’s comforting to be able to have the option of putting it on a VISA. It’s a pretty fucking big dent for me though and this isn’t even factoring in the books, we’re probably talking 4g’s easy. So yeah, my mind has been pre-occupied by the extent of the dent as of late. In my last entry, I posted my financial aid appeal, it takes 2 weeks from when they receive the letter for them to apparently make a decision. In two weeks, the bill is due. Pickle…….. Now, to come up with 3500 dollars on my own, isn’t impossible, just a slight on the irritable side especially when I am uncertain about my financial aid fate. It’s suspense I could do without, but shit I gotta do regardless. I had time to write this financial appeal, sufficient time, but for me, it’s not an easy thing to plead for your own worth. I must admit I was pretty mad that I had to “prove” myself to a board of people despite all my efforts to make a return to their blessed institution. I find it quite discomforting, but I did muster 3000 words in what I would fancy a heroic effort on my own part in the nick of time……….or not. Time will tell. In the mean time, I got to do a financial breakdance routine. My brother gave me hope by considering liquidating my assets, selling my prized possessions like I was some sort of bankrupt “pops-a-dent” contracting business. Admitted it’s not that bad, but it does indeed occupy your mind despite the million other things that are flying past me at very high rates of speed. I got a frame of a penis shaft sitting in a shed looking more and more like a “spruce goose” everyday, otherBHP stuff, a long distance relationship to maintain, and all the million little things that manage to irritate me-like things I’ve told people I would do as long as a year or more ago, dirty room, books to read, programs to study, quitting my job and then finding another………..it seems after awhile escape becomes the most potent desire and a too acute sense of paranoid sets in with anything of value-car is making funny noise! OH SHIT WHAT KINDA BULLSHIT COULD THIS BE!?!?! All in all, I feel on top of it strangely. This is probably some of the heavier kinds of stresses put on my life, but I still put my pants on one leg at a time, even if it takes me 5 minutes to do so, before the company comes. Silently in my head, I say “bring it on.” This life is too strong to be brought down before the bullshit of the earth anymore, but shit, I ain't too manly to not accept the world's good graces, because I know now that I bask in them everyday. Plan B, become a man-whore.
|
|
 |
|
