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Diaryland |
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2005-10-18 - 10:21 p.m. "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" (Gene Wilder madman Wonka, not pussy Depp Wonka) Alright, the boat scene in this movie has probably scarred more impressionable young minds then any R rated horror. I remember going to the theatre when they didn't give a shit about kids walking into the noon matinee of BASIC INSTINCT and the parents could easily drop you off at the theatre and care less BUT with "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" you got to watch this shit in school and catch it on TNT on Sunday morning when you were 6. Now, really, what is Wonka? A cokehead of course, hellbent on giving a kid all the responsibilities of running a candy empire so he can go do a mountain of blow and possibly have enough sexual power to get gangbanged by the whole race of Oompa Loompas. Seriously, to watch this now, I feel protective of children like a soccer mom that has to fight to put speed bumps every 5 ft on every suburban street and stop signs every 10ft. When you are letting your 6 year old watch chicken's heads getting cut off and children drowning in chocolate pools and being sent to incinerators, which was all explained in a roundabout way by a purple suited, top hat wearing man that had a piccolo in his pocket and spoke in prose, YOU ARE FUCKING THEM UP FOR LIFE. At least it wasn't Dennis Hopper who got the part of Willy Wonka and was merely Gene-Wilder-acting-like-Dennis-Hopper. I'll give them that. But even when you didn't see Gene, you saw burnt siena colored midgets OR you saw a grandpa simulating cunnilingus on flavored wallpaper in front of children. Seriously, watch this movie and you will be truly horrified, more horrified then watching all the installments of "Neverending Story" in a row taking no breaks.
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