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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2003-04-04 - 5:48 a.m. Bobbothepirate: how goes the war against the night? Huggybear747: fighting it well Bobbothepirate: I need stamina. I missed late night due to lack of sleep. my head hangs in shame Huggybear747: damn Bobbothepirate: still, its nice reading at six in the morning. the slam is coming up. an isreali girl done knocked my socks off. I'm in that talk about myself kinda mood, so tell me when to go get a sock puppet Huggybear747: talk man Huggybear747: talk Bobbothepirate: you've been warned Bobbothepirate: so we host an Isreal Awareness day yesterday. a few kids out of Isreal tried to justify the situation with Palestine Huggybear747: PREACH BOBBY PREACH! Bobbothepirate: I pass by their booth in the morning, and flip through a few fliers. so she gets all friendly and wants me to be around for the convention or whatever. I say yes before realizing she's one of the guests Huggybear747: okay, well, give me the 411 on said chick Bobbothepirate: I show up, because anyone who goes out of their way to get that kind of attention is committed, if nothing else Huggybear747: alright............vibin, vibin........ Bobbothepirate: it gets wierd. she waves to me while she's doing her thing, I still take it as just being nice. I dont say a word or make any attempt to get involved, just eat my hummas and pita and hear them out Huggybear747: okay. Bobbothepirate: once it ends, and she has waded through the other friendly people, she catches me, writing, off by myself. she sits down next to me and want to know what I think Bobbothepirate: we start talking politics. this girl is really devoted to her country, I couldnt help dig her. plus she was fuckin cute (remember the austrailian girl? kinda like her) Huggybear747: word word Huggybear747: she go to FSU or was just a speaker? Bobbothepirate: the sorority that hosted the whoel thing was rushing everyone out to go drinking, and Maria (figures) was trying to rush her out. she really wanted to chilld and talk with me Bobbothepirate: she's a guest. but bear with me Huggybear747: bearing Bobbothepirate: she was ahead of me the whole time. she kept asking me to keep in touch and take care and all this other nice shit. she even invited me to go drinking with her, but before i could say yes, Maria shuttled her out Bobbothepirate: she did a poem at one point, so she assumed I had to be left alone to finish up mine. she left me her email. I met a cool ass girl, fine as all hell, drawn to me somehow, lives for a cuase, has better rhythm than anyone I have ever met, wants the same things I want . . . if she didnt live in Isreal Huggybear747: Well, Bobby plane tickets are fairly cheap Bobbothepirate: ah well, I'm not thinking about the if it could have happened part. I'm just gassed. good first impressions feel so damn good Huggybear747: Well, put the wind back in your sails......... Bobbothepirate: she sure left one on me, and I guess I did the same for her. another wonderful stranger coming out of the blue like that. I cant help believing in fate or something when shit like this happens Bobbothepirate: maybe, maybe. dont get me worked up. I still have to email her Huggybear747: well, this is reverse long distance relations Huggybear747: meet the girl in person first before you start talking to her intimately across the globe....... Bobbothepirate: do you know what I mean, though? you can know someone your whole life or for just ten minutes, and you know they've changed you, figured you out without knowing the first damn thing Bobbothepirate: maybe . . . or she might just be really nice, and does this without thinking. I dont want to make too much of this. I still think about Sara. hell, I still think about Carrie. I dont want no more sour grapes. Huggybear747: hell, don't limit yourself first off, Sara and Carrie have nothing to do with this girl, set her apart, just be yourself, whatever, she's nice, whatever, if shit happens let it happen........you make the call when you want to make the call, you got decent judgement if you want to pull a move........... Huggybear747: You say you don't want to make too much of it and at the same time you don't want to fuck it up Bobbothepirate: well, you know, if nothing else i got a friend in Isreal. I value that kind of thing too much to blow it on a maybe. I gotta be careful, because she fuckin blows my mind and gives me a hard on. Bobbothepirate: but more f the first, I assure you Huggybear747: well, compassion is human, sex is nature Bobbothepirate: word. I can live without the sex thing (though I prefer otherwise), its not about that. I guess I'm just . . . struck. she can talk to anyone she wants, she can have anyone, no kidding. for a moment I felt singled out, thats all. Bobbothepirate: I have a funny pull on people, and I'm at a loss for how. I can never understand what everyone is jumping on. I can treat them like shit and they still flock to me. I'm gonna be a fuckin cult icon Huggybear747: Rejecting carnal desires is one thing, but trying to downplay such a pleasent interaction is another Huggybear747: You could very well be Huggybear747: You know your talents and strengths, your oddities, your intelligence, you have a sense of what draws people in Bobbothepirate: true . . . but you are dealing with someone who has never been in a relationship. Huggybear747: No one fishes with out bait........ Huggybear747: What, a "physical" one? Huggybear747: you see, this is a relationship Bobby, you've had many relationships....... Bobbothepirate: ah, period. a few friends. many acquaintances. never in an intimate sort of thing Huggybear747: what the hell is this then? Huggybear747: Seriously, do I got to reach into your shorts to jerk you off to have an intimate relationship with you? Bobbothepirate: this is mutual respect. we dont have to take risks. we built over hiphop, and just happened to agree on a lot of things. its comfortable and gratifying, but . . . no risks. know what I mean? Huggybear747: No risks? Bobbothepirate: so two people could be fucking like rabbits, but never really try to get closer to eachother. its not intimate, just lots of sex. we dont have to get closer, we both have no trouble making valid conversation. Huggybear747: when did sex become a risk? Huggybear747: it's a natural human process, why even consider it a risk? Shit, wear a jimmy hat is the only risk you got to worry about Huggybear747: be courteous to your partner........ Huggybear747: just because you fuck somebody, you shouldn't think you've reached a point of no return Bobbothepirate: its not the sex part. sex is just part of the package. I mean risks, as in leaving yourself open to someone, letting someone get under your skin, hurting, give and take Huggybear747: Well, if you live, you take risks Huggybear747: You set your own walls and boundaries, it's your own damn fault if you don't like where you put them...... Bobbothepirate: yes . . . look at it like this. What you had with Raven, if it were just being friends and having sex, it wouldnt have been intimate, it wouldnt have gotten you the way it did. you had to take risks, you had to push yourself to measure up to what was growing between the two of you . . . Huggybear747: tis a complicated thing Bobby, but a risk is a risk, no matter how you slice it, between two passing strangers, talking to some girl sitting at a table, between two intertwined souls............ Huggybear747: Your perception measures it, you can put all your stock into a moment, a chance, a life.......... Huggybear747: Risks are synomous with free will and free will is the very essence of why we live as such enterprising beings Bobbothepirate: word. I dont know how to narrow it down anymore - the old dice feeling, you know? Huggybear747: yeah, definitely, it's a perception thing Bobbothepirate: my perception is what I dont trust. I felt something when we got to talking, but I dont know about her. she was definitely intense, but she has a cause, she loves her country, she wants to be understood, she values life because she lives next door to death. I dont know why the fuck she picked me, thats the wrench of it Huggybear747: Bobby you said it yourself you had common interests and goals............ Huggybear747: You wonder why this soul wandered into you life at random, something right amongst all the chaos......... Huggybear747: Is that something to be worried about? Or to be thankful for? Huggybear747: A shred of hope and decency amongst what seems as a great world devoid of compassion............ Bobbothepirate: I dont worry, at least I didnt until you pressed the go get em tiger part. I am more thankful than I can put to words . . . wonderstruck. thats why I quesiton it. A moment of decency, for a guy who has lost all decency. thats why I had to tell you in the first place Huggybear747: Bobby, if you lost all decency, would I talk to you, would you experience joy? Huggybear747: Serious, follow your wits, it's all you got to go on, love till your heart gives out Bobbothepirate: well, maybe the word is dignity Huggybear747: Bobby, you have dignity, you maybe a fucking caveman, but you possess dignity, and people like fucking with that definition too, again different perceptions Bobbothepirate: I will write her. if something evolves out of this, I'll meet her wherever I can, whenever I can. If I see Maria again, though, I'm carrying a metal dildo the size of a bat and ripping her ass up. It could have been an interesting night Huggybear747: The only dignity you need have is faith in your free will and the confidence in your own judgements Huggybear747: Well, you start worrying about the could ofs, you might, dare I say it, end up like I did......... Bobbothepirate: I question free will, because I know something bigger is at work. and I am never confident in my judgement. if its not dignity its . . . something Bobbothepirate: one could do much worse than you. just because your in a funk now, doesnt mean you will be forever. Huggybear747: grit your teeth and move on you know, questioning free will is free will eating itself. Well, you should be Bobby, at least for a bit now and more tommorrow and the next Huggybear747: I'm talking about confidence here* my bad Bobbothepirate: I know your right. I really do. I'm scared, thats all. a beautiful woman was anxious to see me. she turned my armor into butter in the span of seconds. It was a bizzarre moment, and I have so many of those. Huggybear747: Well, yeah, it's natural, shit Bobby.......... Bobbothepirate: I didnt want to hold her or anything . . . I just wanted to be around her. I tried going down to Highway's, to see Dom about a DJ. I sit down and have a beer, she fuckin waves at me again before going back to her friends. I dont know what to think, its all so damn random Huggybear747: Well, think this, you enjoyed the pleasent attention, accept it. This attention had to happen for a reason between the two souls, realize it. Bobbothepirate: ahhhhh . . . did it? I wonder, and I wander Huggybear747: If we didn't act with any sort of reason, we wouldn't have free will would we? Bobbothepirate: I just hope I gave her everything she was looking for. that would be nice Bobbothepirate: well, the ability to think doesnt equal the desire to think. and she hasnt seen my table manners yet:-P Huggybear747: yeah, true you nasty bastid.
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