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Diaryland |
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2003-04-21 - 7:54 a.m. I will not fall in love with a man's potential. When it comes to romance, sistas need to eliminate the words if only from our vocabulary. What Dude will be in five years if only he got therapy, healed his relationship with his mother, stopped tricking bitches, eased up on his hustle, focused, or got over his commitment anxiety is really none of our business. Potential is a relationship between an individual and God. When it comes to life's lessons, people learn the lesson when they're damn good and ready to receive it--and that's usually not a second before the good Lord sees fit. All the loving, pushing, willing, cajoling, nagging, or threatening in the world won't get two-year-olds to act like they're twelve. And it doesn't work on grown men either. When it comes to me and love, unrealized potential has been rendered wholly irrelevant. Because even if a man becomes all the wonderful things you believe he can be, there's absolutely no guarantee that he'll become them with you. In all likelihood, it's the sista whose standards won't allow her to settle for anything less that's going to end up with that finished product. So instead of focusing on what I think a man could become, I'm going to ask the only relevant question: Is this man, with all his faults, capable of making me happy right now? I will not spend time with men I don't respect. I'm not just talking about on an intimate level, I mean this across the board. I've got a girlfriend who spends a lot of time hanging out with married men and their mistresses. Then she wonders why she doesn't trust men as far as she can throw them. I've found that the best way to keep from being an angry, distrustful black woman is to simply keep the best possible specimens of the gender around me. For that reason all the lover, friends, exes, brothers, and cousins that occupy prime space in my life all meet the same prerequisite: The way these men live their lives--the care they bestow on their children, the honor they show their parents, the faithful way they love their women, the superior way they execute their hustle--makes me repeatedly say, Damn, that's how I want to be. And the particular way we love each other makes us better people.
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