 |
|
 |
|
 Latest
|
Diaryland |
|
2004-12-24 - 12:00 p.m. I ain't gonna front, I probably deserve alot of coal this Christmas. Some old lady at work gave me a Christmas present. It's thoughtful, I didn't expect it, but the only reason she did it, I presume is because she wants to fuck me........I have this urge to ask you folks, "Is that evil?" but shit, we both know what it is......Apparently, I'm her "Big Dog" judging by the T-shirt she got me. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice old crazy lady and I don't care if you got a peg leg and a twitching eyeball, I'll still throw you a hug here and there and I've hugged this lady on occasion. Now, I can say, she got me this gift because of all the times I've held a good conversation with her, consoled her while crying and stressed out at the job, encouraged her to be creative, and made her laugh......BUT I still got this demented logic that this all means "she wants mr-sparkles lovin'." You know they're ain't a chance in hell, maybe only if I got peer pressured by my friends and family and Tony Robbins to fuck her because that was her last dying wish .........and may god's guiding hand keep my divining rod straight and hard for the pounding into the cob-webbed cooter. I think fucking a corpse would be better in all cases because it feels no pain anymore, but I'll leave it up to you to decide which is the lesser of two evils. YOU MAKE THE CALL. Anyways, let me get this last minute Christmas shit out of the way. I already regret my father's present I got him. My brother DID outdo me this year as far as presents go. YOU ALWAYS WIN IF THERE'S A MEXICAN WRESTLER MASK INVOLVED....ALWAYS. And on top of all that, I didn't buy anything for my mother yet. Nikc and my brother are poorer then I am and got everyone kickass gifts and I'm like......."wha??!?" Yeah, so anyways, I lose......I got an assload to be thankful for though.........BUT I THOUGHT THANKSGIVING WAS THE ONLY TIME TO BE THANKFUL BECAUSE THIS HOLIDAY IS THE ONLY TIME OF THE YEAR TO BE GIVING AND GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT BLOOD RELATIVES YOU NEVER SEE. Yeah, I'm beyond evil.....I know, but put the "Neil Diamond Christmas" on and let me sip on the Egg Nog and start making my stomach seizure from the 120% lactose that is "liquid pancakes" and let me sleep with chronic stomach pain soundly into the night so that Santa can fly in and climb into the imaginary chimney of our house(.......I always wondered about that shit.....Santa these days gotta break into houses like a muthafucka......) and drop off all the presents I don't need like jackets, FUBU shoes (I mean seriously, WTF?), shirts with my parent's taste in mind and not my own, gift cards to the blandest places.....lay it on me Baby Jesus and Saint Nick, lay it on thick.
|
|
 |
|
