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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2001-10-20 - 4:56 p.m. I never got what "Hopeless Romantic" meant. How is it hopeless to pursue love? Nothing is hopeless until you give it up. Am I hopeless???? Is there any love out there for me? For her? She was at least truthful to me....it was a minor thing, but why does it burn so bad? I want to hug her. I want to see her......she's 3 hours away-I'm leaving tonite....she gets off at 11-ish.....maybe earlier....I can't convey fully how I feel over a telephone or on a damn computer screen, I need her to be near me. Damage has been done, foundations laid.....an imperfection in the wall......will the whole structure fall to pieces??? I want it to hold.....I wish I could of done something....she says she feels terrible....I know she does.....SORRY.....the unsatisfying word is repeated over and over. What else can you say? My mind doesn't wander or stray, I wish I could be this focused on Tests, exams, and studying....oh, I keep my calm.....tremendous willpower maybe...I don't want to yell at her.....I want to scream at myself, I want to drive off a cliff....I want to be punished.....why? she did it? Why am I with her? My life is eternally fucked by this with thoughts.....Love conquers all.....the rest will fade....I got a right to be hurt.....but is that what's needed? I want to scream till my voice permenantly leaves me.....I want to enclose myself in silence for awhile....I just want her to be there.....I want to climb into her head......I want to tell her, "you're not an evil person, or a bad girlfriend, you're not stupid." I got a right to be mad, but all I want to do is comfort her........I know most would of dropped her by now....but I know her.....I see her.....her true self....she's sacred to me.....she's everything to me.
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