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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2002-02-05 - 12:12 a.m. I was gonna talk about all the great fun I had over the weekend and all but it's gone, the feelings I had, the somewhat description of my mundane happenings and lil niblets of thought. (Truly vivid commentary I bet.) My girl and I have made a decision of sorts. We agreed to an "open" type relationship. Understandable, everybody knows fruit tastes sweeter when it's forbidden, we all have wandering thoughts and it's retarded to think we don't, you just got to vent them out. This is a great advantage to my grrl, she's already got two guys in her hip-pocket. She just made out with them, she just wants the affection not the all out fucking some want. The kinda affection that I can't give when I'm here, tucked away at school. She says she wants to explore, she finds special connections in people. I can reason with that, but she doesn't know why she wants it, she doesn't think it's wrong. She likes making out, She feels compelled to do it, god damn I feel that way, but I can't go through it all. I guess it would be okay if I just bagged two chicks myself and had that no-frills attitude about it. I can't, I just can't.....I'm no stud, I'm not built that way. She told me I have her heart......she has mine. I want her, just her. She doesn't know what she wants. I've waited and waited and I'm gonna wait some more for her. She told me she hoped it was "worth it." I don't know really, but I didn't stay in line this long not to ride the roller coaster. I told her to find out what she wants, REALLY WANTS. I'm gonna weather the storm, I love her, my patience is key. I don't want to smother her or hurt her, I don't want pity, I just want the right thing bad or not because I want the best for her and for me......but I still just want her......her, her, her.....I'm worried, I'm afraid, I'm jealous, I'm hurt, I'm enraged (IF I EVER SEE YOU STEVE AKA BIRD, JUST HOPE I DON'T LOSE MY WITS AND BEAT YOU DOWN WHERE YOU STAND AND KICK YOU TILL YOU GO LIMP.)
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