 |
|
 |
|
 Latest
|
Diaryland |
|
2002-02-13 - 8:56 p.m. "Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and my boy and I have broken things off. Not a 'fuck you' but a 'let's get our lives together and keep our fingers crossed" Nothing final. Nothing definite. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I have my card all ready for Ron the bus boy. Ron the high school senior. Ron two years and one month my junior. In other words, the boy I have a huge crush on. I'm also making him two tapes, one chock full o' riot grrl goodness (Bratmobile, Bikini Kill, Huggybear) coz he wants to know what it's all about. Reagan Youth & The Independents on the other tape. I might fit in some Johnny Too Bad. Maybe the cover of Judge Dread's "hello baby" ((hello baby i think about you every day... hello baby i dream about you every way)) Cheeky. Truthfully though I feel rather guilty over all this giddiness. With all the shit that's gone down between Mike and I lately. With all the heartache and strife... I still have time to daydream about another boy's smile? Life is so messy." Does she want time off or just move on to Ron???? I feel like an ass for saying it, but it really doesn't matter now, just my heart tied into tighter knots........I love her, I thought it was straight, now this......Oh well, it doesn't concern me anymore......She's gonna be happy, that's all that matters.........I'm gonna channel all this somehow, all this doubt and worry.......She deserves better.......I can't give it to her........I hope she has lots of fun with Ron, Ron's a cool kid. What I don't want is all this drama and what we said to be false and this is the awful truth....I'd of rather had it awful then a nice lil lie, but She's not lying, I don't think, It's really hitting me......I'm sorry Raven, for everything.....I can't promise things, I can't make you promise things, and good luck, I guess.........Thanks for teaching me how to live again...You said you don't believe in "The One" I don't either, I just believe in you...I got my fingers crossed......one day you'll get what you want, I just know it will happen....and I have a growing notion it isn't in me.......and I don't know about me, I just keep my fingers crossed......hoping, I guess it's hopeless, no better yet true......maybe when it's all said and done........Maybe I'll never find it.....Maybe I'll never get it, but what's living if you don't go for it??? Some win, some lose, few actually live.
|
|
 |
|
