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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2002-05-15 - 6:41 p.m. "Life is so good... mere 3 days before Michael is in my arms... under my lips, tongue. I gazed at his picture as we chatted on AIM tonight. I just want to feel his soft skin under my fingertips, admire the slight darkness, almost brown compared to my pale white. Kiss his forehead, nuzzle his cheeks, whisper 'i love you', nibble on his ear lobes, lick his fingers, hold him as close as i've always yearned to. THe first birds are chirping, the distant horn of a train echoes over the town, cat purrs, rain drops, and a white noise hum from Dane's hushed tv. Everything is beautiful right now, life seems perfect, even the mundane. My soul is quiet, i feel at rest, peaceful. No longer a body in motion, i've stopped the search for that someone, he's been here all along. Summer is so impregnated with possibility it shimmers like wet asphalt, sparkles multifaceted like a gem stone. Where are we headed, Michael and i, with things out in the open, the dense fog dissipated? Is it crazy talk to discuss being there with him after we're finished with school? far far into the future? I know that i love him, i feel so strongly that this is true. We've suffered together, put up with the awful tension, repressed desires, words unspoken. Days seem different when he's nearby, all those afternoons spent at his house... like another world... ephemeral, delicate, hazy, beautiful... the few times we laid in each others arms, kissed... To think he's given me the chance to build something so, so.... indescribable with him, it's humbling. I feel like nothing compared to him, unworthy of any of this. Sleep is making my eyelids heavy, finally. Sweet dreams about him lay ahead.... i wonder if he can feel how much i care for him, feel the love radiating, bouncing like sound waves, over all those miles? Sometimes, i feel a sudden warmth, an all over blush, wholly loved for a fleeting moment. I wonder, is he thinking of me? Causing this? I want to believe it, believe he gets the same sensations when i daydream of him. Goodnight" __________________________________ She was speaking of me. That was last summer. She wrote that in her old diary. So beautiful, you think? After all this, I wonder what's this summer gonna be like? All I know is, I can't describe it like she did, like before. That was the best Summer of my life. I know it's kinda early to say, but I don't think any of my other future summers will add up to the youthful splendor that I spent with her that great Summer.
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