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Diaryland |
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2004-11-07 - 7:28 a.m. Last night I wondered....... "Is there a correlation between my exponentially growing masturbatory marathons and my sudden cravings and mass consumptions of soy products covered in barbeque sauce?" .......I think there is. Random Mr-Sparkles fun-toids! -When I was kid, I went to bed sometimes with my face in the pillow and dreamt that me and my panda/teddy bear "Griggly" watched movies at a drive-in. -One time, I pinned my brother down and ate a grape and drooled the grape onto his face and then he chased me around the block. -I can sum up most of all my love-making experiences as akin to me being a shitty teenage guitar player trying to play a Van Halen solo in a guitar store on a rock-worthy battle axe of a woman. -I've bought 3 women Hitachi Magic Wands.....one was a girlfriend, another a friend.........and another to a girl I never met. I would like to be known as the patron saint of vibrators. -I think the first thing I ever jerked off to was a postcard of a Las Vegas showgirl. -I broke a brick for my black belt test when I took Taekwondo back in the day. I don't think I've ever said I was a black belt to pick up chicks.....but now that I think of it...... -I danced in a hula skirt in front of a 1000 fellow middle schoolers once. -The first time I had sex, I kept my shirt on and cried like a bitch afterwards. -When I was a kid, I would bike ride everywhere. -My first crush, Julie....kindergarten/1st grade, I'd bike ride past her house and hope she was outside.......she rarely was, and when she was, I was too afraid to talk to her. -I was envious of my childhood friend Scott's toy collection.......I remember my brother and I ran into him years later, and he got all fat and ugly, and I was like, "glad I wasn't couped up in that room with all them toys.......and HOsHOs!" -I knew the stinkest muthafucka on earth back in middle school and his name was Shilo White. ...........more funtoids to come!
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