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 Latest
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Diaryland |
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2005-08-19 - 5:03 p.m. I walk out to my truck today on a mission to get my mullet cut. It's a rainy day and little bastard children haven't been playing outside to my knowledge. I lock the front door of the house behind me (livin' in the ghetto) and walk to my driver side door of my truck, which is parked in the street. Low and behold, perfectly placed in front of my driver's side door, a banana peel lying in the street.  hmmmmmmm....... Wasn't there 2 nights ago when I parked it. I don't remember impersonating some sort of "Keystone Cops" routine in my head that night. I can't even remember the last time I ate a banana or just foolishly tossed refuse in the street. Was there a slapstick carnival on my street last night? hmmmmmmm.............. Who in the world other then me would do something as stupid as this? Who in the world just rolls out to work or drives in home (I live on a dead end court mind you) and says, "HEY, THIS FUCKING BANANA WAS DELICIOUS! BUT THIS PEEL GOTTA FUCKIN' GO! GOTTA STAY ON TOP OF MY LIFE!!!!!! *WOOP!*" Or were they rushing to get to work and forcing Potassium into their system in about a span of 15 seconds (which is the total time someone would have to drive up the court and out the main road) and said , "CHRIST, NUTRITION IS A BITCH, BUT IT'S NECESSARY TO KEEP THIS HUMAN MACHINE IN PERFECT ORDER.....BUT GOD DAMN IS THIS PEEL WEIGHING ME DOWN! THE DAY IS TOO TENSE ENOUGH ALREADY TO HAVE THIS 'PEEL DISPOSAL' DEBACLE ON MY CONSCIENCE! HASTA LA VISTA YOU SONNAMABITCH, I'M A-NUMBER-1!!!!!!!" hmmmmmmm...... And strategically placed so sweetly in front of my truck door. Chance positioning from gravity and velocity hurled from a moving car? OR a well-placed booby trap, 'Viet-Kong' style to initiate a hostile slapstick incident? I'm going to have to lean towards the latter folks. Someone is out there folks and they want me to make them laugh through my misfortune. Being unemployed and jolly just isn't enough these days, they want BLOOD. For now, I park on the other side of the street. Hopefully a car won't slip into my truck because of it. Or maybe I should be hopeful and get that phat insurance cash. A 'slapstick banana-peel' defense never held up in court. I checked. I didn't pick it up, but they know I'm onto them. You can't outfool a fool like me. BITCH! CHECK THE SHOES! I RUN THIS BIG TOP CALLED 'LIFE' SON!
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